Introduction and The Rating System

Hello, and thanks for bothering to read this!  Enclosed is a collection of my random musings as the self-proclaimed Junk Phood Junkie.  These are some of the things that I have eaten – specifically at fast-food or chain restaurants available at least regionally, if not nationwide and mass-marketed products – which I have felt some profound, indescribable need to share my thoughts on.  The product may have been phenominally delicious, utterly disgusting, or even something which had just fallen short of some high hopes.  All of which, of course, delivered with my trademarked skewed point of view, which some will might find offensive. 

Of course, I couldn’t care less than a flying monkey’s rectum about that.  I wouldn’t be me, otherwise.

The Rating System

Some might wonder how the rating system is based.  This is a simple numerical scale from 0 to 5 which can be instantly modified to any set of consumer product criteria as a direct assessment for subjective opinions. The system was developed by myself and some geeky friends back in high school (shameless plug for Etiwanda High, here).  Of course, your personal opinions will likely differ from mine, but you’re fully welcome to adapt The Verdicts with your own notes.  Just give us the props when you find yourself using this scaling method for other things.  As it relates to foodstuffs, here’s how it breaks down:

5:  I was so impressed with [product name here], and it was so delicious, I will 100% definitely get [product name here] again, and would probably pay a little more than what I did last time, just because it was that damned good.

4:  [Product name here] was so awesome, I’m certain to get it again, and it was a great value at the current price.  If it went too much higher, though, I might get something different.

3:  When all was said and done, [product name here] was good.  I’d probably get it again, but I’d be equally likely to try something else at the same place, as well.

2:  In all honesty, [product name here] wasn’t terrible, but I wouldn’t pay for it again.  If someone else bought it for me, though, I’d probably eat it.

1:  That [product name here] was so lousy, I wouldn’t eat it again even if someone else paid for it.  About the only time I’d eat this is if I had no other options, someone pays me a sizable sum of money, or was starving.

0:  [Product name here] was downright vile, disgusting, and inedible.  I think even a starving Ethiopian would turn [product name here] away.

Of course, this system can easily be adapted to any number of product lines with very little effort, and direct translations are immediately apparent.  So if a friend tells you, “oh, that dishwasher is a 2,” you automatically know that “he wouldn’t actually pay for it again, but if he got another one for free, he’d probably use it.”  See?  Geek power unite!

Now, on with the junk food!