Vol. 32: Great Value Fish Sticks

So I’ve been on a fish stick craze recently.  Don’t ask me why.  They’re not exactly the best thing on the planet and don’t hold a candle to real fried fish.  Hell, I couldn’t even tell you what fish these sticks come from.  Last time I checked, fish have sticks like chickens have nuggets.

I can’t find the nugget on a chicken, either.

The problem I have with fish sticks is they’re too damn munchable.  Like popcorn or infant ears.  The fillets?  Those you feel like you’ve actually eaten something.  Sticks?  Not so much.

So I was looking for an alternative for these:

….which are awesome.  Plus, Gorty’s kind of cute.  Which is totally a reason to purchase food.  Then why, you might ask, was I looking for an alternative?  To that, I direct you to the newest segment.  My behind is broke.  These fish sticks are like, five bucks for eighteen.  But you can trust the Gorton’s fisherman.  Who probably looks nothing like the box.  (Who is, reportedly, the grandfather of one of the founders of the company when it was still John Pew & Sons Fishery, and was named Angus.  True data.)

You don’t want to know how fast I can go through 18 fish sticks.  Let’s just say it’s “less than one sitting.”

So, of course, when I was shopping at Wal*Mart and came across their Great Value Fish Sticks, I was leery.  Some of the Great Value products are decent and some of them taste like diseased monkey carcass are not so good.  But, for the sake of junk food science, I had to jump in, fins first.

 Note the absence of product close-ups and fishermen.  This is suspect.

The first thing I noticed was this box of a gazillion cost less than the box of Gorty’s eighteen.  This was either going to be a good thing or a bad thing.  Appearance-wise, there wasn’t too much difference, but then again, I didn’t hold them side by side.  I did notice there was a lot more breading crumbles in the Great Value box.  They smelled frozen.

  

Half the box.  I’ll save you the counting.  It’s 28.

So I unceremoniously dump and arrange half the box onto a cookie sheet.  Yes, I know the image is displayed above, you twerp.  Some people read this blog via email and don’t get the images.  SO THERE. 

I digress.  Half the box is already way more than Gorty’s (Angus’?) had in it.  There wasn’t a discernible size difference between them, either.  That’s what she said.  Eighteen minutes at 425 later, I was sitting down with my plate – yes, I fit them all on one plate – full of fish sticks. 

With ketchup.  Or catsup.  Or catchup.  Ketsup.  What the hell ever, you get the idea.

Truth be told, Gorty’s sticks are slightly firmer.  (lolz.)  A little bit crunchier, but other than that?  The minor differences between the two do not make up for the absurd difference in cost.  Four bucks and change for 18, or three dollars and change for ten zillion?  No contest. 

Every once in a while, Great Value knocks one out of the park.  This might not be a home run, but it’s at least a triple play.  I think that’s a baseball reference.  And I think it was used properly.  You get the idea.

The Verdict

4/5.  The value per-dollar when compared to the major brand (which should be called Angus’ Fisherman) is mind-boggling.  Quality is comparable.  Obviously, if they wanted to charge the same amount per-stick, I’d grab the yellow box.  But since it’s close to a five-to-one stick ratio for less money?  Pfft.