I
consider Boston Market to be part of the “premium” line of frozen dinner makers
– up there with Stouffer’s and Marie Callendar’s, where almost anything is a
safe bet to at least not suck be pretty decent.
So when
I saw this conveniently located in my grocer’s freezer, enticing me with its
faux homestyledness, it didn’t take much debate before I tossed it into my
shopping cart. It pretty much sounded
like this:
Freezer Case: [stoic]
Me:
Oooooh! *grab*
Freezer
Case: [stoic]
As you
can see, the freezer had a very convincing argument. Here is the evidence presented by the freezer
case, and the cooked version:
The box is deceptive
Oddly… it looks
pretty close to the box.
As this
was cooking in the ‘wave, I noticed something that made my hair stand on
end. On the back of the box, next to the
innocent cooking instructions, were two little pieces of info that weren’t so
innocent. The first was the fact that
the “serving size” was 14oz – but contained only
500 calories. What sort of deceitful
bull$hit trickery is this?? Lure me
in with the false pretense of a stick-to-my ribs plastic platter of comfort
food and then pull some diet crap on me?
No self-respecting dish with the words “cheese” and “casserole” in the
title has a measly 500 calories per near-pound.
500 calories per tablespoon is more like it. This can only mean one of two things: they skimped on the cheese, or worse – they
replaced it with “cheeze sawse.” Which
is better suited to stripping paint from cars than consumption.
Also,
this beast has an ungodly 1,200mg of sodium.. which I totally don’t care
about. But after bite one, I have to
question Boston Market on the following point:
HOW DIRECTLY THE F*@# IS IT
THIS THING HAS 1,200 MG OF SODIUM AND STILL NEEDS SALT?!?!?! Seriously??
This is worse than the Arby’s Steakhouse Salt Lick (see Vol.18 –ed.) in the sense that particular failure actually tasted salty as
hell. This thing has an abhorrent
amount of salt and still needs more.
Ugh.
So I
guess you can tell which direction this review is going. But I’m going to surprise you with a
curveball.. it’s not going down as far as you think. Other than the fact this thing needs salt,
it’s remarkably… tasteless. The “cheeze
sawse” tastes like.. warm. As for the
rice? Well, I have to give props where
props are due, and Boston Market’s frozen food chef-things actually did a
pretty darned good job of making the rice come out close to decently cooked and
not tasting like crunchy termites the way most places do. But that in and of itself is not enough to
offset the utter lack of…. any other redeeming quality from the dish.
It’s not
a good sign when the only item in the “Pro” column from the reviewer (me) is
“the rice doesn’t suck.” On the other
hand, the meal as a whole rang in with a final score of “it’s not inedible.”
I can’t
say I want to eat it again. On the same token, I’ll definitely eat this
to avoid being really hungry (well before “starving”). Given a choice between the Chicken, Broccoli
& Cheese Casserole or Taco Bell’s Pacific Shrimp Tacos…….? (fancy link –ed.) Hunh. That’s like a high-noon showdown of
mediocrity, a fistful of apathy of such magnitude no one would even bother to
show up to laugh at it. I’d probably go
for the casserole, but solely to avoid risk of being TBONED (Taco Bell
Overdose Nitro-Explosive Diarrhea).
The
Verdict
2/5. It
doesn’t suck…? *shrug*
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