I've
seen the commercials for this sandwich for several weeks now, and every time I
see it, I think to myself, "Self!
That looks delicious. You need to
try that for the Junk Food Junkie."
Well, the time has come for me to actually do that. For those of you not in the know, it's a
roughly 8" roll with their signature roast beef, fried onion straws, Swiss
cheese, and a peppercorn Ranch sauce.
The sub
is listed as part of their current $5 Meal Deal menu, which means you get the
token drink and curly fries with the meal.
(Arby's curly fries are the bomb, anyway.) Upon returning to my desk, I tore into the
sandwich (after taking the requisite picture) with abandon.
Or, at
least, I tried to. The first two bites
were nothing but chewy as hell and largely flavorless ciabatta
bread. No meat, no cheese, no sauce
even. Yummy. Great way to start off a sandwich. Whatever.
After plowing my way through the introductory bites and actually scoring
on the beef and stuff, I was blessed with a profound dance of pure meh on my
taste buds. Confused, I tried again,
this time concentrating on finding some redeeming quality to this
sandwich. I did manage to come up with
one: It doesn't smell like duck farts.
Where do
I begin? The bread remained chewy enough
to make me feel like I had a jaw workout throughout the half (!!) of the
sandwich I could stomach eating. The
beef - their signature - of course was juicy and tasty, unfortunately, it was smothered
under the blanket of suck lost in the hills of blandness that was
everything else. The peppercorn ranch
sauce, in truth, should just be renamed "peppercorn sauce," as there
was no discernible essence of Ranch flavor, whatsoever, and it served no
purpose as a sandwich lubricant at all.
The Swiss was fast-food Swiss, so while that in and of itself didn't
detract from the party, it did add to the dryness factor. As for the onion straws? In truth, I can't really badmouth
comment on them too negatively, mostly because I could hardly even tell they
were there. Yes, I looked at them, saw
them on the sandwich, but when it came to actual taste, they might have well
been Onion Ninjas.
On top
of all the above trash-talking, the sandwich is salty enough that it puts
Hungry Man frozen dinners to shame. I
looked it up online, only to discover (with utter horror) that the sandwich
alone has over 1,900mg of Sodium. WTF? I'm not much in the way of a health nut -
obviously - but even I take notice whenever it seems like you're eating a
frikkin' salt lick on a bun as though every bite requires half a glass of
water with it.
The
Verdict
1/5. I'll eat it if I'm starving to death, but
I'll pass on this piece of sh*t train wreck even if you're buying.
No comments:
Post a Comment