Vol. 36: Pizza Hut's Overstuffed Supremo Pizza

So, for real, I’m not even gonna beat around the bush on this one.

This is, by far, the biggest disappointment Pizza Hut has crapped out launched in the past several years.  After launching and then almost immediately yanking the P’zolos from my market area?  Argh!!

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love my Pizza Hut.  (See fancy link, here.)  And I’ll freely admit that has made me somewhat biased.  But this?  This isn’t a matter of opinion on pan vs. thin vs. original crust, or pepperoni vs. sausage (the correct answer is “sausage,” anyway), or any of the multitudes of other possibilities that can turn a pizza from “amazing” to a chewy case of toe jam “mediocre.”   

This is just bull honkey pathetic execution.  No two ways about it.  In fact, let me count the ways.

 The initial product shot

At first glance, this looks to be pretty good.  That’s part of the reason I got it in the first place, thinking to myself, “Hey, Self who should really eat a salad instead!  This looks like a gigantic P’zone!  That’s AWESOME!”  It smells good, too.  Don’t be fooled by it’s siren’s song of deceit.

 Further down the rabbit hole

Then you start eating it.  For the first several bites, you’ll try and convince yourself that, oh, I’m just at the beginning, it’s mostly crust because it’s that stuffed thing, and I’ll have to get to where the crust opens up to get to the goodies” – like this is a dollar Hot Pocket and not a $13+ pizza – except the crust never f%&$ing opens up.  Don’t believe me?  I ripped apart the slice out of sheer frustration to reveal the following male bovine fecal matter disappointment.

 WTF.  For real?  I wish there was a rabbit in here.

There’d be more meat.

Really.  Really??  THIS is what constitutes “overstuffed?”  This barely even qualifies as “stuffed.”  Unless you want to say it’s stuffed with more crust.  What.  The.  Hell.

The whole breadth of that slice, and there’s one squirt of sauce and an onion?  Oh, and one pepper over there somewhere?  Where’s the friggin’ beef?  Hell, where’s the friggin’ anything but crust?  This is the kind of stunt I’d expect Red Baron to pull.  Or Tony’s.  Or some other frozen pizza brand.  Not what I expect from Pizza Hut, and certainly not what I expect to spend more than I would on a regular large pizza on. 

Get your s#!% crap together, Hut Peeps.  This level of weaksauce is not very enamoring.  I’m not even finishing slice number two – and that’s not because I tore the other slices up looking for meat, or cheese, or hell, even sauce, anything but friggin’ crust. 

It’s because I don’t feel like eating an over-glorified breadstick.

Oh, and because I’m supposed to find something positive?  Here’s a positive.  It’s not greasy.  It’s not greasy because there’s nothing delicious to create grease in or on it.

The Verdict

2/5.  This only gets a two because, if it was lying around and I was hungry, yes, I probably would eat it.  After doctoring it up and cussing whomever ordered it out for wasting their money.  Get a $10 large any way you want it and give the rest to the delivery guy if you want.