Hello,
and thanks for bothering to read this!
Enclosed is a collection of my random musings as the self-proclaimed
Junk Food Junkie. These are some of the
things that I have eaten – specifically at fast-food or chain restaurants
available at least regionally, if not nationwide and mass-marketed products –
which I have felt some profound, indescribable need to share my thoughts
on. The product may have been
phenominally delicious, utterly disgusting, or even something which had just
fallen short of some high hopes. All of
which, of course, delivered with my trademarked skewed point of view, which
some will might find offensive.
Of
course, I couldn’t care less than a flying monkey’s rectum about that. I wouldn’t be me, otherwise.
The Rating System
Some
might wonder how the rating system is based.
This is a simple numerical scale from 0 to 5 which can be instantly
modified to any set of consumer product criteria as a direct assessment for
subjective opinions. The system was developed by myself and some geeky friends
back in high school (shameless plug for Etiwanda High, here). Of course, your personal opinions will likely
differ from mine, but you’re fully welcome to adapt The Verdicts with your own
notes. Just give us the props when you
find yourself using this scaling method for other things. As it relates to foodstuffs, here’s how it
breaks down:
5:
I was so impressed with [product name here], and it was so
delicious, I will 100% definitely get [product name here] again, and
would probably pay a little more than what I did last time, just because it was
that damned good.
4:
[Product name here] was so awesome, I’m certain to get it again,
and it was a great value at the current price.
If it went too much higher, though, I might get something different.
3:
When all was said and done, [product name here] was good. I’d probably get it again, but I’d be equally
likely to try something else at the same place, as well.
2:
In all honesty, [product name here] wasn’t terrible, but I
wouldn’t pay for it again. If someone
else bought it for me, though, I’d probably eat it.
1:
That [product name here] was so lousy, I wouldn’t eat it again
even if someone else paid for it. About
the only time I’d eat this is if I had no other options, someone pays me
a sizable sum of money, or was starving.
0:
[Product name here] was downright vile, disgusting, and
inedible. I think even a starving
Ethiopian would turn [product name here] away.
Of
course, this system can easily be adapted to any number of product lines with
very little effort, and direct translations are immediately apparent. So if a friend tells you, “oh, that
dishwasher is a 2,” you automatically know that “he wouldn’t actually pay for
it again, but if he got another one for free, he’d probably use it.” See?
Geek power unite!
Now, on with the
junk food!
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