Vol. 25: Friendly’s Ultimate Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt

I first saw the idea of someone making a cheeseburger with two grilled cheese sandwiches instead of buns on the Food Network at a place called Vortex Bar & Grill in Atlanta, GA.

Ever since then, I’ve been completely obsessed mesmerized by the idea.

By complete and total accident, I stumbled across the fact that a local ice cream shoppe that I’d normally never set foot in, seeing as how ice cream makes me projectile vomit like Poltergeist rather extremely nausesous, served up a similar burger.  Of course, within 24 hours, I was throwing my car in park and marching inside with a complete determination to seal my own cholesterol-laden demise.

Oh, who am I kidding, I ain’t dead YET.  The first volume of this blog was a danged Triple Baconator.  And I should have written this one up ages ago but I’ve been a slack mo fo.

 The official picture

My take-away one

Of course, I couldn’t leave a cheeseburger sandwiched between two buttery, crispy, grilled cheese sandwiches alone, oh no.  I had to add bacon.  The waffle fries came with it.  Bastards forgot my Ranch dressing.  Seriously?  It may be hard to tell thanks to the awkward angle I had to take the photo from, but it actually looks pretty damn close to the official picture in person.  Which is saying something.  Something good.  Just add bacon to the official picture.  Juicy, crispy, mouth-watering fried pig. 

Because there wasn’t enough animal fat in there to begin with.  Bleed on, arterial walls!  For tonight, we dine on Hellman’s!  Or some such inspirational $hit.

There are going to be two groups of people on this burger.  One group, the one in which I reside, will look at the above platter and hear the fact that there are 2,210 calories in there and start drooling.  The other half will vicariously have a heart attack.  That just means I’ll know who I can trust with my leftovers… oh, who am I kidding?  There won’t be any.

Several people who heard about my quest to conquer this behemoth were worried that there was going to be too much bread.  I listened to their fears, and ate it anyway.  Rest assured, there is no such thing as too much crispy butter-fried bread smothered in cheese and meat and bacon.  Oh, and rabbit food.  Every single greasy-lipped chomp was an orgasm in my mouth.. oh, how to describe the joygasmic explosion of flavors?  Other than being a vegan near-nightmare, it was the first mortal step to Burgervana.

They need to rename it The Jesus Wept Burger.  Because his tears were used in the casting of the Holy Griddle that this burger was cooked on.

The Verdict

5/5.  The burger and fries comes in at $8.79 at my location at the time of this posting.  Add bacon for a dollar.  Order online and you might score 25% off.  I’d drop ten or eleven bucks on this animal-laden, buttery bacony nectar of Adephagia*.

(*Google it.)