Vol. 13: Burger King’s Fire-Grilled Ribs

[The use of “fire-grilled” as an adjective in the previous installment of the Junk Food Junkie is purely coincidence.  Honest.  Unlike the consecutive burrito installments, which was admittedly a temporary obsession.  Plus, lobster from Red Lobster makes sense.  This was purely junk-food scientific curiosity.  –Ed.]

I recall, one evening, sitting in front of the television, when a commercial came on for Ribs at BK.  My first reaction was gag, followed immediately by a subconscious dread, knowing that at least one coworker was going to ask me how they were.  At which point, I felt some equally-nauseating swelling of pride in that my opinions matter and all that crap. 

I was nervous, ordering the ribs.  I even felt like I was saying a bad word in church as I did so, noting as I did how overpriced they are.  (At the BK I went to, a 3-piece “add-on” was $1.99, or the 8-piece “meal” was $7.29.)  Considering how tiny these are, the price is a big kick in the chops deterrent for repeated orderings.  Observe:

Yes, there are allegedly 8 ribs in that box.

I realize it is difficult to get a sense of how big they are from the crappy picture quality, but use the sauce pack as a frame of reference.  These “ribs” are roughly the size of average chicken wings, but seem to contain less meat.  The barbecue sauce is BK’s standard nothing-special-here barbecue sauce, and in all honesty, seems to detract from the flavor.

The advertised “fall-off-the-bone” quality was mostly absent from my test population, as only two of said ribs could actually be classified as that level of tenderness.  They weren’t overly juicy, per se, but they also weren’t overcooked to death like you’d expect from BK dry by any definition, either.  They had a good smoky pork flavor, which had that implacable hint of “artificial flavor” to it.  But, those bones are definitely bones, so I blame their basting agent, and not the manufacturing or preparation. 

All in all, I suppose if you’re in a die-hard funk and need ribs to heal you, they’ll serve their purpose.  Otherwise, I have a feeling these will fall by the wayside very shortly, purely for cost vs. product ratings, as I’m sure most people won’t continue to pay for what they get.

The Verdict

2/5.  They don’t suck, which is almost shocking.  But the uber-steep price point will prevent me from ordering them again unless I have a coupon.  Or someone else is paying.