Vol. 23: Michelina’s Meatloaf (with Gravy & Mashed Potatoes)

I realize that this is the third (!!) [Ed. See Vol. 9, “Pasta Twists in Bolognese Sauce” and Vol. 15, “Chicken Pad Thai”]  installment of Michelina’s product in the Junk Food Junkie.  So far, the first two weren’t what most would call “positive.”   In fact, one might even think that, in spite of my continuous assertions that the majority of Michelina’s products are quite decent for less than a dollar apiece (and the fact I continue to buy them), the reviews would turn someone away from trying, or buying again, a Michelina’s product.

Don’t let that be the case.  Just don’t buy any of the flavors I review.  Then you’ll be fine.

Todays experiment in taste receptor confusion:

I would like to point out the word “Traditional” in the upper right. 

It’s one of the words circled in red.

Now, as does any Michelina’s product (and the majority of frozen goods), the picture lends a false sense of security by displaying the food on a plate, with garnishes, and all sorts of pretty lighting.  The scene was as expected when I opened the box after cooking it – and by that, I mean it looks nothing like the picture.  Big effing surprise there.  However, there was one unusual element that caught me off guard more than usual.. 

I’ve eaten Michelina’s for years.  I remember, for the longest time, the only difference between Salisbury Steak and Meatloaf was whether or not you got miniature chunks of “mushroom” and “onion” in your gravy.  Other than that, they were all-but identical.  This?  This smell that is making me crave a Bloody Mary tickling my nose-hairs is not that of a homestyle stick-to-your-ribs brown gravy.  At closer glance, and looking back at the box several times, it’s some sort of tomato-based gravy.  Yes, you read that correctly, dear reader, and probably said WTF are just as confused by the concept as I was peering down into that smothered patty of chopped cow.  Appalled and curious, I took a little taste of it, only to have my highly-trained scientific tongue confirm what my nose was already telling me:  “Brain, this, in fact, is not brown gravy.  It is, to my most educated guess, the test-tube love child of V8, Clamato, Campbell’s Tomato Soup, and a bowl of Manhattan clam chowder that hasn’t been clammed yet.” 

So I think to myself, well, perhaps this could work.  Though I’m a little offended at this “tomato gravy” being called “Traditional” – to me, meatloaf + tradition = KETCHUP – but perhaps it could serve the same fancified means.  Like if Wolfgang Puck made meatloaf and sold the recipe to the low-end frozen food manufacterers.  At least, that’s what I was telling myself in preparation.  The actual result was slightly more believable and infinitely more confusing.  Truth be told, I’m still not sure if I like it.  The best thing I can come up with to describe it is abnormal something akin to the hell? “fusion food that doesn’t quite taste right fuse completely.”  Sort of like Irish-Mexican cuisine.  I’m honestly not sure if it was good, but it did manage to escape a scathing review.  So, um, that’s a good one for Michelina’s track record?  I think?

Furthermore, I would like to point something out about the box.  It clearly says the main “flavor” of the contents of the box is “Meatloaf.”  Yet, underneath that, it says, “mashed potatoes & gravy, with meatloaf.”  As though the main entrée itself were simply an afterthought.  “Oh, silly me, let’s add some meatloaf to our meatloaf meal!  Tee-hee!”  Perhaps that’s just me being an over-observant anal b@stard excessively inquisitive consumer, but that does strike me as odd.  I understand that the package descriptors must outline what’s in the package, but saying “Meatloaf with meatloaf” seems to me as reduntant and retarded repetitive and lame as saying “Warning! These peanuts contain peanuts!”

I digress.

The Verdict

2.5/5.  Normally, I never give “halfsies” on a verdict, since it’s a simple YES or NO in this case to “would you buy it again?” that makes the grade.  Truth be told… even as I’m writing this.. I honestly don’t know.  I think I’d have to give it a 3 at this point in time just to try it out again for scientific purposes.