Vol. 3: Ruby Tuesday's Turkey Bacon Avocado Burger

Typically, I tend to lean towards the concept that health food simply sucks @ss doesn't have the power to keep up with unhealthy foods in the taste department.  This is not to say that all 'health' foods taste bad or don't have any taste, but in general, they can't keep up with their full-fat brethren.

Let's be honest.  Turkey bacon is not bacon.  Sure, it has its purpose.  Given a choice, though, I'm always going to pick the slab of fried swine.  Fat-free cheese and mayo are atrocities to mankind.  And wheat bread?  Not usually my favorite.  So when a buddy suggested I try this 'turkey bacon burger on wheat bread,' I was justifiably skeptical.

That having been said, this burger is a shining example that every rule has an exception.  This burger is illegal in three states frakkin' delicious, and the patty would be glorifiably inhalable even if it wasn't smothered in an ungodly layer of bacon (authentic oinking swine, my friend!) and avocado.  Okay, so it's no longer 'healthy,' bite me!  I am of the firm opinion that if nobody told you the patty was turkey, you'd probably be sitting pretty with juice running down your chin and a stupid grin plastered on your face, looking like a retard at Chuck E. Cheese's.  And that's a happy retard.  Observe its intellect-draining power!

Okay, so it’s a little smushed from my barbaric paws attacking it.  Sue me.

Of course, there is always something bad about every dish - in this case, it's me wondering how the f*ck I'm going to get to try the rest of the menu at Ruby's when this burger is so d@mned delicious.  Plus, it comes with endless crispy fries?  Man, that makes two bad things - because I don't have one in front of me to do naughty things with devour like a crazed homeless person. 

The Verdict

5/5.  I have already had two more since I started writing this blog entry.