I’ve
opened my arms wide to turkey burgers in recent years, especially after
experiencing the epically-delicious Ruby Tuesday’s Turkey Bacon Avocado Burger
(see JFJ volume 3). So I have to admit that I was pretty excited
when Hardee’s launched a line of turkey burgers.
I
succumbed to the media frenzy, drooling over pictures of the burgers (seen
below in the official pictures) and was fully expecting a decent-sized
burger. After all, Hardee’s usually
doesn’t lie about their burger sizes (compare photos of the Monster Thickburger
to the Double Cheeseburger and come back with any questions). Though, while I was standing in line, eagerly
awaiting to order, clutching my Droid to my chest with the Happy Star Rewards
app waiting to display my coupon, I should have heeded the giant flashing
red flag of suck subtle warning on the menu saying that each of the burgers
was “Under 500 Calories!”
The Official Lineup
WTF is that?
After
getting my alarmingly tiny bag, I
peered inside to make sure everything was inside: Little Thickburger for my evening snack,
check; fries, check; another Little Thickburger? Irritated, I tore the bag open and
showered everyone in orphan tears and fries took everything out and
performed a more detailed inventory. In
front of me were two Little Thickburger-wrapped items. I stopped myself before jumping the gun and
raking the workers over the coals, instead opening each one – yes, one was a
Little Thickburger – and the other was… my turkey burger?
“WTF? That’s it?
Seriously?” were literally the first words out of my mouth. Above you can see the “real” picture, where
I’ve placed a Taco Bell sauce packet alongside for perspective (since they
didn’t give me any ketchup, big ups to Taco Bell for extra-saucing me earlier). Size notwithstanding, I dug in. And promptly said WTF for a second time.
First
off, nobody warned me that they were going to switch the buns with some dry
imitation of a “delicious” wheat bun. It
was dry and tasted like fluffy cardboard, and the patty didn’t do much to
help. While not going the dry route so
many turkey burgers fail on, it managed to stay juicy. Like juicy nothingness of fail. Jenni-O has frozen turkey burger patties
which are better. I know. I’ve had them. For those who aren’t used to turkey burgers,
these patties suffer heavily from the “looks like I’m eating cooked brain
matter” problem – the yummy-looking crust on the official picture above does
NOT carryover into the real thing. Don’t
let this scare you off turkey burgers in general, they can be quite delicious,
just not this one.
I will
freely admit that I have only tried one of the three burgers, but I will also
say that this one scarred me enough that I’m going to need tongue therapy
not going to try any of the other two unless I have to. It is fully possible that the mushroom-swiss
combo collided with the honey wheat flooring material bun, and the other
two may be fully tasty. I’ll be open to
alternate opinions on the other two of the lineup as things go on – I suppose I
MAY be convinced to try one if I get enough rave reviews.
I’m
still sorely disappointed in Hardee’s, first off for the photographic burger
deceit (really, guys? Why?), and
secondly for actually thinking this would pass as a decent alternative to their
Thickburgers. I’m just glad I got one to
tide me over after this vile and nauseatingly creepy aftertaste gets
washed out of my mouth by gallons of water.
The
Verdict
1/5. I suppose if I were starving, I’d choke one
down. Let’s put it this way: I had to force myself to swallow the final
bite, and it certainly wasn’t because the burger was too big.
No comments:
Post a Comment